Three words: puerto rican gang bang
either way he was missing a nipple.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
