if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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