I want to stick my p in your. b.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
