Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
