She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
