Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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