Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
