Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
