I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
