Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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