Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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