Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
