One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
