the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
