I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
