she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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