i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
