is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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