I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
