i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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