It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
