We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
