no, he came in my armpit
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
