White coat. Heels.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
