Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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