They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Someone shattered a urinal.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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