I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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