I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
