This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
