Your tits are I can't wait for
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
