hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
