me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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