Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
