I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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