You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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