FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
