You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
