my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
