she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
