I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
