@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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