Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
