just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
