I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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