You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
