You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
