I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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