I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
