Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh god the rape fog is back!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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