Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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