umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
