and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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