K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My Sexting was not on an AP level
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize