he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
