i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
