i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
