I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
two words: eviction party
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
