hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
