Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
