4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
