It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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