PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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