mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize