She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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