I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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