Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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