I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
this is an emotional support booty call
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
