You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
