I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
