there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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